This by far has been one of the hardest weeks of my life.
When I started preparing myself for this week, I prayed a lot. I have joked with my bestie's this week about this. I told them everyone tells you this week is so hard. I think they lied. This week is terrible. It feels like someone rips out your heart and stomps on it and then tells you to do it over again everyday. I know that is a bit dramatic, but let's be transparent, we all are a bit aren't we?
For a first time kinder momma, the feeling of sending your baby into the world without you there to help her is gut wrenching.
For the past 2 years I have fervently prayed over Bella for this big step. I have prayers written on cards under her mattress, my journals, and bible study books are filled with prayers for her. I have never doubted the Lord would be faithful in hearing my prayers, but He is the giver of so much more than lending an ear.
What I have seen the Lord do through the power of prayer in my sweet little girl has been unthinkable. I have prayed for her teacher, praying boldly even by name, the Lord answered. A sweet moment the night we met her teacher. Her teacher said to me, God answers prayers doesn't He. She had no idea all the things I had prayed for, including her!
Most of our prayers consist of praying over their days, asking the Lord for friends. I know that we as mom's usually ask for friends who love the Lord and hope our kids make good choices in choosing friends. I started changing my prayer, asking that Bella be the friend that others may need. I don't say that to be arrogant. I simply felt like God was turning me to pray that she would soar, that she would be salt and light, that her heart for Jesus would shine so that others would see and be drawn to that.
We as mom's can't be there for each moment of the day anymore. She will always be my baby girl, but she is the Lord's first. His heart for her is greater than mine is, although that is hard for me to imagine. I can't wait to see all the amazing things she will get to experience this year!
She is already doing so well. Her kindness, gentle voice, and spunky attitude are already getting noticed by her classmates and teachers.
When I am afraid I will trust in you.
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord is an everlasting rock. Isaiah 26:3-4
To all the kinder mommas out there, you aren't alone. I could write a novel on the past 2 days. I have cried more than I like to admit. Thank goodness He is greater than our hearts!
XOXO
Kristine