It doesn't seem possible that I was just in Europe. Shopping, eating, taking in the sights. I miss it, but I was so glad to be home. In our life summer is the busiest time of year (actually I don't think we ever stop) being a family in full time ministry. Our summer's consist of camps, mission trips, day trips, Vacation Bible School, and then normal everyday life. Somewhere in there you have a family vacation. This year was a huge year. Europe was a 14 day trip, we came home from camp with the teens 4 days before I left for Europe. 8 days after coming home from Europe our church was heading out on our annual mission trip to Mexico.
Being in Spain reminded me so much of the people and culture of Mexico, I was really sad that I would not be going this year. I was dealing with emotional mom guilt of not seeing my kids really for majority of the month of June. Still, in my heart... it was longing to go to Mexico with my hubby and church. Days before they were leaving spots started to open up, I started thinking, Lord is this you saying I should go? I began praying and seeking, trying to put my personal desire aside, and ask if this was really what I needed to do. Could our kids handle me being gone again for 7 days? Who would they stay with? Could I handle not feeling guilty? All these questions and more flooded my mind. My heart wanted to go to Mexico, but after exhausting every avenue...the doors just weren't open for me to go. I honestly was very sad. I loved being able to worship with my hubby and minister to people with my best friends. I realized how much I love the missions part and the people of Mexico. I also knew I was searching for the Lord to bring me peace and joy in the midst of my own personal desires not being what He intended.
Over the coming days, I would begin to hear several things from the Lord. One being Joy. Where is your Joy? Will you only find Joy if you go? Can you find Joy in being with me and only me?
Ever scripture I turn to, every devotional that I have this week is centered around joy. Lord restore to me the joy of your salvation. This is my prayer. I wanted to go to find Him, He wanted me to stay to seek Him. Funny how that works.
I am still a work in progress. Selfish of me to think that the Lord needed me to go to Mexico to minister to people, when I have little people here who need that from me. I know it is only for a season. I have set my heart before the Lord. He is my portion. I need only be still.
Sometimes as much as we think our desires are for His glory and surely they are pure, He has different plans. I am confident there will be something on the other side of this that will be glorious.
Always being refined...
XOXO
Kristine