I will never forget the moment of looking in the mirror at my body and thinking this isn't the time.
So many things had happened in a very short amount of time. We had just moved back to the DFW area for Luc to be the Student Pastor at an amazing church. I transferred to another office within my company. We were living with Luc's parents until we found a house, and commuting to Frisco everyday. Life was busy and moving quickly. What came next was not in my timeline for at least another year.
I met a girlfriend for lunch and I remember telling her I feel weird, like someone hugged me today and I felt off. She asked "are you pregnant"? I was shocked.....NO! That is not possible, no way. I went straight to the store and bought like 10 test. I only needed to take 1. It was positive. I had just gotten my body back from having Bella 2 years ago. I will never forget staring into that mirror and thinking okay Lord, this is not in my timeline, or my plan.
I was overcome with so much guilt in those moments. We had experienced the loss of a precious baby before having Bella, I knew what a miracle it was to even be pregnant. I felt ashamed and cried out for forgiveness. The Lord gently took me into a beautiful season of trust and favor. In the next 9 months to follow the Lord blessed us with a house, amazing church family, new dear friends, abundance of favor at my job, the blessing of watching Bella thrive with her new surroundings, and in the end this perfect baby boy.
I still get teary eyed and well up with emotions when I see my sweet babies. I know that every good and perfect gift comes from above. I always want things on my timeline, but Lord knows if that were the case I would be a wreck and wouldn't be where I am today. I am so incredibly thankful to serve a God who knows what I need before I ask, who knows what is best for me even if that isn't something I want or even planned. "Because your steadfast love is better that life, my lips will praise you." Psalm 63:3 So thankful that he is unwavering, steadfast, and loves me right where I am.
XOXO
Kristine